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The first time I encountered the word "Pilates," I thought it was a bastardization of the word "Pirates," but it could have been a simple misprint in the gym program offering.  The picture was enticing as well, with a picture of a woman in a rowing position.  They have to advertise to the female crowd, right?  What's worse than a room full of sweaty men rowing a boat?

When I arrived that first night, I was surprised at how well their advertisement had worked; they entire room was full of women!   Yes, plenty of booty for the plunderin'!  They unrolled seafoam-green mats on the floor, which I assumed helped the atmosphere.  I followed in fashion, an noticed a few odd glances from my fellow mateys.  I was asked, "Why the puffy shirt?"

I snickered, and replied, "Just trying to get into the spirit of the class!  I'm not going to row in this."  I removed it to show my striped moisture-wicking shirt.  I was lucky enough to find a red-white one after stopping off for some groceries after my normal gym routine the previous night.

The instant I spotted the teacher enter the class, I trotted up to her and exclaimed loudly, "Aye Cap'n! Where we be sailin' off to ta-night!?"

The look she gave me pierced my soul.  After she explained what "Pilates" was, I removed my eye-patch and slowly walked out in shame.  Out of humiliation, I cancelled my gym membership on the way out.

arr, pirates, pilates,